People expect fathers to have rules for their children. Children that are raised without rules or structure can make awful mistakes because they cannot distinguish right from wrong. I have never been criticized for making rules for my children. My children have never been criticized for following my rules. If you ask my children why I have rules they will tell you it's for their protection because I love them and teach them. I care about everything they do, and I enjoy being involved in their lives. Yes, they make the wrong choices sometimes. But, I'm always there to point them back to the right path and support them when needed.
Our Father in Heaven has His own Instructions. Just like our own rules as fathers, His rules come with the command to be obedient. And, as we should expect of our own children, if we truly do love our Father we will obey His Instructions. We won't do it for some reward (i.e. salvation) but because we simply love Him. What do we get from obeying? We get to partake in the blessings that come with obeying our Father and forsake the curses of refusing to be obedient once we have the knowledge. After all, if we do love him why wouldn't we want to obey?
You might say at this point "Well what about Christ? We are saved in the blood of Christ and don't have to follow the law anymore. He fulfilled it and set us free." I'd respond, "Wow, you are so right. He absolutely did set us free! He broke off the shackles that enslaved us to SIN (not His Torah) and set us free from the sin so we could FOLLOW HIM. The blood of Christ DID SAVE US from the penalty of our own sin, which is eternal death." Looking at the Son of God, Yeshua (Jesus as known by most Christians) He led a perfect life where He obeyed the Father's Torah, taught it to others, and even verbalized it saying things like "Take up your cross and follow me" and these verses:
Matt 5:16-19 "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. 17 Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven."
Does that sound like a Son that is seeking after His Father's business? Absolutely! So, while I can with confidence shout that I love my savior Yeshua and believe He died to save my sins, I can also say Praise Abba for Your Holy Torah which gives me the tools I need to make it on this earth. I obey His commands out of love, and it is of my own free will. Call it law, Torah, Instructions, rules, or whatever else you come up with but a man can only serve one master. Will you be a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness? I choose righteousness, because I love my Father.
Monday, November 17, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
The Nagging Housewife
You remember that morning when you were trying to get dressed for work, were already running behind, trying to focus; and throughout the tedious process of trying to rush out the door hearing your wife's voice "reminding" you what seemed like a dozen times to do the same thing. Or how about the time when something around the house was needing repair? Yes, the kids broke the toilet paper holder and it's annoying but your time is more important than fixing that "right now", isn't it? You tell yourself "I'll get to that later when I can", but your wife doesn't stop the reminders. In fact, she might have even sent you a text or phone call after you left just so you can schedule it in your day. Wow, "she just won't stop nagging me" you say to yourself. By now, you might have grown so frustrated that you even responded with "I'm at work and we can talk about this later" or "why are you riding my case about this".
Don't our wives understand that our time is short and must be used wisely? They always seem to push just the right buttons that makes forgetting the item they are incessantly telling us about impossible to forget...until you get distracted again and........forget. Then here they come with a fresh reminder while still somehow smiling and pleasant as if they had never told us once before. Where does the nagging end???
Our wives are determined to have whatever is broken be repaired. Whatever is unfinished needs to be completed. Whichever task is not done should be marked off their infinite list that continuously updates as if it were a cloud based super system incapable of a memory cap.
So, you finally give in and complete the repair. Three cheers for that!!! Then, just when the sigh of relief hits your thoughts she has 3 new reminders for you to complete. What is your response? I suppose at this point there are at least a handful of ideas. You could listen and be responsive. You could walk away frustrated and repeat the process from the last reminder. You could get angry and begin to argue with your spouse maybe even saying hurtful words like "you nag me too much" or even worse. Maybe you have a response all your own. But, in the end why do we respond the way we do?
A marriage is a covenant relationship where two separate people have become one. If one part of the unit isn't getting something done, and the other half of that unit helps make that happen; a common goal that improves the unit can be reached. If your wife is "nagging" you about something needing to be completed, it's probable that even if you don't see it that task does need to be done. In business, we call this type of person QA or QC (Quality Assurance or Quality Control). In government it's called checks and balances. We don't refer to the FDA inspector as someone who "nags" at the meat packing plants right? On the contrary, we see the value in having someone around who ensures our food is handled with care and systems are being followed to protect our health. We put value on situations where there is a balance in almost anywhere other than our own homes where WE MEN are held accountable by our wives. This is where we have to look closer at what is really happening. We have to look deeper behind our frustrations and past the relentless reminding our of spouses. Why do they do this and how does it help us? I'd say it can best be explained by looking at the beginning.
In Genesis 2:18, it says that our wife was created to be our "עזר" (help meet). So, what is a help meet? To put it easily, I define it myself as the other half of our unified body that is needed for us to be complete and function properly (i.e. what helps us to get things done). So, by that very simple outlook our wives are created for a purpose, and contained in that purpose is their design to help us do what needs to be done. And since life is distracting, sometimes complex, and we all grow weary at times our help meet is there to keep us on track. In summary, I'd say it all boils down to this:
If your wife is your עזר (help meet), and she persistently reminds you to do something that helps the unit, it is not nagging. It is just her doing what she is designed to do. Next time your wife is persistent, just say thank you and get it done. #OvercomingCulturalLies
Don't our wives understand that our time is short and must be used wisely? They always seem to push just the right buttons that makes forgetting the item they are incessantly telling us about impossible to forget...until you get distracted again and........forget. Then here they come with a fresh reminder while still somehow smiling and pleasant as if they had never told us once before. Where does the nagging end???
Our wives are determined to have whatever is broken be repaired. Whatever is unfinished needs to be completed. Whichever task is not done should be marked off their infinite list that continuously updates as if it were a cloud based super system incapable of a memory cap.
So, you finally give in and complete the repair. Three cheers for that!!! Then, just when the sigh of relief hits your thoughts she has 3 new reminders for you to complete. What is your response? I suppose at this point there are at least a handful of ideas. You could listen and be responsive. You could walk away frustrated and repeat the process from the last reminder. You could get angry and begin to argue with your spouse maybe even saying hurtful words like "you nag me too much" or even worse. Maybe you have a response all your own. But, in the end why do we respond the way we do?
A marriage is a covenant relationship where two separate people have become one. If one part of the unit isn't getting something done, and the other half of that unit helps make that happen; a common goal that improves the unit can be reached. If your wife is "nagging" you about something needing to be completed, it's probable that even if you don't see it that task does need to be done. In business, we call this type of person QA or QC (Quality Assurance or Quality Control). In government it's called checks and balances. We don't refer to the FDA inspector as someone who "nags" at the meat packing plants right? On the contrary, we see the value in having someone around who ensures our food is handled with care and systems are being followed to protect our health. We put value on situations where there is a balance in almost anywhere other than our own homes where WE MEN are held accountable by our wives. This is where we have to look closer at what is really happening. We have to look deeper behind our frustrations and past the relentless reminding our of spouses. Why do they do this and how does it help us? I'd say it can best be explained by looking at the beginning.
In Genesis 2:18, it says that our wife was created to be our "עזר" (help meet). So, what is a help meet? To put it easily, I define it myself as the other half of our unified body that is needed for us to be complete and function properly (i.e. what helps us to get things done). So, by that very simple outlook our wives are created for a purpose, and contained in that purpose is their design to help us do what needs to be done. And since life is distracting, sometimes complex, and we all grow weary at times our help meet is there to keep us on track. In summary, I'd say it all boils down to this:
If your wife is your עזר (help meet), and she persistently reminds you to do something that helps the unit, it is not nagging. It is just her doing what she is designed to do. Next time your wife is persistent, just say thank you and get it done. #OvercomingCulturalLies
Monday, June 9, 2014
Increasing the Financial IQ of Your Children
Are you teaching your children how to manage their money? When is the right age? Where do you start?
Well, in my experience I have found that no age is really too young. Even if you don't yet have kids you can at least start a savings plan (and would have a head start). But, if you have kids here are some ideas that I use in our home.
1) We have a family meeting each week where everyone gets their allowance
- Give here whatever amount you feel is necessary. I have made it tiered based on age and am currently giving a flat amount to each child of $5/week.
- Make it fun! I might have one week where I throw in a random bonus amount to their general allowance or just add to their savings account, but I ALWAYS share it with them.
2) Have the kids take their own money and put some aside for tithing and some aside for savings.
- Here , we use the 10% principle to each.
- VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: The child needs to receive all money and be the one who physically puts the correct amounts into tithing, savings, etc.
3) All kids get to choose if they want to contribute additional money to savings, tithing, or the vacation fund.
4) Count the money!
- I always have them count on their own out loud to me (if possible) or count with me for the younger ones. This builds on their counting skills, improves money exchanging skills, and helps them understand how much they have.
- This gets all children excited as they get to see their savings account grow and sometimes even their spending money if they aren't losing it all. I also count the vacation money so the dream of our family agreed item/vacation becomes more of a reality each week. This has been so successful that my kids regularly contribute back some of their spending money to our vacation fund.
5) Spending the Money
- In my house, the kids get to use their spending money however they choose (purchases still subject to parental approval).
- Make sure the kids get to pay the cashier themselves and help them count their change and verify it against the receipt. This helps create even more excitement and again builds skills.
6) The Parent's role
This part can vary quite a bit, but I have found that it needs to be constantly changed and adapted to each child depending on growth.
- At first, I let them spend it instantly at the first store we went to because they were so excited to buy on their own.
-Then, I intentionally took them in a store with lots of toys and they had no money left to purchase anything. The hard part here is for the parents NOT to step in and buy anything which I know is tough if you are like me. But, if you can hold back it will start one of the most important lessons of this entire financial education: IF YOU SPEND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ON WHAT YOU DON'T NEED THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BUY WHAT YOU MIGHT NEED LATER. It also helps to begin the next phase where I begin training them not to buy on impulse.
- After the first couple of weeks watching them throw their spending money away, I decided to try something different. I really wanted them to understand that buying on impulse does not produce good results in the long run. So, I then started having them take notes of what they wanted to buy in the store without spending a dime. Then, on the next trip to that store after visiting at least a few in between and letting time pass if they still feel that purchase is good and justified I allow them to complete the purchase. I feel this should help them curb any impulse buying, and give them the chance to appreciate their hard earned money.
7) Start the bank Account
- When your child is successfully creating a savings account that has grown enough it's time for the next step. My goal is $100 for each child. Once they hit that number I take them individually to the bank with me and open their very own account. From here, I have them fill out their own deposit slip each trip and review their balance against the previous balance.
8) Ideas for tracking
- I encourage tracking of all "accounts". I use a spreadsheet so the kids can see clearly how the accounts are growing. It also helps with accountability and reference if a child mixes up money with another sibling or loses a purse. But, a notebook or notepad works just as well.
I hope this helps begin the journey of teaching your children how to manage their money at an early age.
Well, in my experience I have found that no age is really too young. Even if you don't yet have kids you can at least start a savings plan (and would have a head start). But, if you have kids here are some ideas that I use in our home.
1) We have a family meeting each week where everyone gets their allowance
- Give here whatever amount you feel is necessary. I have made it tiered based on age and am currently giving a flat amount to each child of $5/week.
- Make it fun! I might have one week where I throw in a random bonus amount to their general allowance or just add to their savings account, but I ALWAYS share it with them.
2) Have the kids take their own money and put some aside for tithing and some aside for savings.
- Here , we use the 10% principle to each.
- VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: The child needs to receive all money and be the one who physically puts the correct amounts into tithing, savings, etc.
3) All kids get to choose if they want to contribute additional money to savings, tithing, or the vacation fund.
4) Count the money!
- I always have them count on their own out loud to me (if possible) or count with me for the younger ones. This builds on their counting skills, improves money exchanging skills, and helps them understand how much they have.
- This gets all children excited as they get to see their savings account grow and sometimes even their spending money if they aren't losing it all. I also count the vacation money so the dream of our family agreed item/vacation becomes more of a reality each week. This has been so successful that my kids regularly contribute back some of their spending money to our vacation fund.
5) Spending the Money
- In my house, the kids get to use their spending money however they choose (purchases still subject to parental approval).
- Make sure the kids get to pay the cashier themselves and help them count their change and verify it against the receipt. This helps create even more excitement and again builds skills.
6) The Parent's role
This part can vary quite a bit, but I have found that it needs to be constantly changed and adapted to each child depending on growth.
- At first, I let them spend it instantly at the first store we went to because they were so excited to buy on their own.
-Then, I intentionally took them in a store with lots of toys and they had no money left to purchase anything. The hard part here is for the parents NOT to step in and buy anything which I know is tough if you are like me. But, if you can hold back it will start one of the most important lessons of this entire financial education: IF YOU SPEND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ON WHAT YOU DON'T NEED THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BUY WHAT YOU MIGHT NEED LATER. It also helps to begin the next phase where I begin training them not to buy on impulse.
- After the first couple of weeks watching them throw their spending money away, I decided to try something different. I really wanted them to understand that buying on impulse does not produce good results in the long run. So, I then started having them take notes of what they wanted to buy in the store without spending a dime. Then, on the next trip to that store after visiting at least a few in between and letting time pass if they still feel that purchase is good and justified I allow them to complete the purchase. I feel this should help them curb any impulse buying, and give them the chance to appreciate their hard earned money.
7) Start the bank Account
- When your child is successfully creating a savings account that has grown enough it's time for the next step. My goal is $100 for each child. Once they hit that number I take them individually to the bank with me and open their very own account. From here, I have them fill out their own deposit slip each trip and review their balance against the previous balance.
8) Ideas for tracking
- I encourage tracking of all "accounts". I use a spreadsheet so the kids can see clearly how the accounts are growing. It also helps with accountability and reference if a child mixes up money with another sibling or loses a purse. But, a notebook or notepad works just as well.
I hope this helps begin the journey of teaching your children how to manage their money at an early age.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Say what's on your mind
Do you ever look at your wife and think "WOW, I sure am blessed to have her" in your head? If your answer is yes that's fantastic.
NOW SAY IT OUT LOUD!!!
We may think it more than we say it, but our wives need to hear it from our mouths. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, so speak life into your marriage and into your wife. Tell her how wonderful she is every time you think it. Call her for no reason at all during your work day to tell her how special she is. After all, she is part of your own body.
Verses to cross reference are Ephesians 5:28 and Proverbs 18:21
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Be kind to your friends, but harsh to your spouse?
You know I have yet to find a book, teaching, Bible verse, or any counselor whatsoever that would ever say "Be kind to your friends, and harsh to your spouse". So, my question is why is this the case? If you are anything like me, you might be able to talk to a buddy of yours about a thousand different topics and all seem interesting. You are alert, engaged in the conversation, and hear all of the good points this friend is trying to make. It's an easy conversation that's easy to participate in because it's likely a similar interest of your own.
With my wife, it seems like 95% of the topics she speaks about are far from my top ten list. In fact, I might even say that some of them would be the very last things I would ever consider. It's times like these that make listening difficult. It's nothing I want to know, and usually because we already spoke about it five times already the same week.
What I have learned but have yet to master, is that women want to be heard. They like to talk to their husbands and feel like we are not only listening but that we sympathize with their feelings. They are looking for that connection. More often than not, I mix it all up and eagerly try to create "solutions" for her. I see her topic as a challenge that I need to help her overcome and then expect to move forward. Then the forward progress (in my head) turns into rehashing the same conversation later that day, the next day, and three days down the road leaving me feeling inadequate. I'm selfishly thinking that I "solved" her problem ALREADY and wondering why are we talking about the same thing again.
I, on the other hand, only like to discuss things that are appealing or will make some kind of progress in what I am doing. I will actually find a way to bring up a topic the fewest times possible so I feel efficient which is completely opposite to my wife. In my focus driven view, every beginning needs an end and I always seek to reach that finish line even in conversation. It's that finish line that makes it all feel right.
Ephesians 5:28 tells us that we should love our wives as our own bodies. So, if we really do that I believe it is absolutely essential to gain an understanding of what our wives need from us to feel and be loved. If our very nature in conversation is different than our spouse, it is our duty as husbands to make every attempt possible to provide the simple things our wives seek from us. If you think about it, the very fact that they seek to confide in us their thoughts and feelings is a sign of respect and love from them. The next time your wife speaks to you about a topic you may not like, take the time to listen and show her you care. Put away those thoughts of "fixing" anything and just love her. Pretend for a moment that you are listening to your favorite author, speaker, athlete, or friend. What can you learn from her out of what she is saying, and even more important is what can you learn ABOUT HER from what she is saying?
VS 
A funny farm example to help you remember is this: A cow chews it's cud, swallows it, then repeats the process so the animal gains the most from everything it eats. It has three stomach compartments all with a different purpose and is clean for us to eat because it has such an amazing digestive process. This reminds me of a woman (now don't misquote me by hearing woman = cow). I simply mean the efficient digestive process resembles a woman's mind to me. They consider a topic, discuss it, then reconsider it several times before moving on. This allows for a greater understanding and has a significant purpose that many of us men would not see otherwise.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Why my wife is my hero
To the best mother I know:
- She is the last one to go to bed every day
- She will wake up endless times during the night to breastfeed our son and rarely ever even ask for help
- She actually enjoys giving birth naturally with absolutely no painkillers and somehow wants to do it again when it is all over.
- She married me and still has sanity left (very tough)
- Even with five children, a whole house to clean, homeschooling daily, food to prepare, and more, she finds time to help me and creates the most amazing activities for our children.
- She can create beautiful things from nothing, and turn my plain boring designs into extravagant works of art.
- She has never allowed her ambition to come before her family.
- She loves me even when I don't deserve it.
- She "forces" our family to eat a healthy diet and spends countless days researching better foods for us to keep progressing.
- She has never accepted tradition as proof or allowed "good enough" to be settled for.
- She fears God, lives in obedience to His word, and strives to learn more about her purpose even when she stands alone.
- She can do ten things simultaneously when I get so frustrated with two.
- Her version of a gift for herself is always something that really benefits the family.
I thank God for the most amazing woman I have ever been around. She is my very own Proverbs 31 woman that my children are truly fortunate to have as their mother. Happy Mother's Day to my hero, my wife, and my best friend Phyllis Hodges.
Why my wife is my hero
- She will wake up endless times during the night to breastfeed our son and rarely ever even ask for help
- She actually enjoys giving birth naturally with absolutely no painkillers and somehow wants to do it again when it is all over.
- She married me and still has sanity left (very tough)
- Even with five children, a whole house to clean, homeschooling daily, food to prepare, and more, she finds time to help me and creates the most amazing activities for our children.
- She can create beautiful things from nothing, and turn my plain boring designs into extravagant works of art.
- She has never allowed her ambition to come before her family.
- She loves me even when I don't deserve it.
- She "forces" our family to eat a healthy diet and spends countless days researching better foods for us to keep progressing.
- She has never accepted tradition as proof or allowed "good enough" to be settled for.
- She fears God, lives in obedience to His word, and strives to learn more about her purpose even when she stands alone.
- She can do ten things simultaneously when I get so frustrated with two.
- Her version of a gift for herself is always something that really benefits the family.
I thank God for the most amazing woman I have ever been around. She is my very own Proverbs 31 woman that my children are truly fortunate to have as their mother. Happy Mother's Day to my hero, my wife, and my best friend Phyllis Hodges.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
A little About My Past
I was born to a nice family and grew up in a Baptist Church where everyone went through the motions. You know, the kind of place where people seem so loving and wise, but then you catch them outside of church and hardly recognize them as the same individuals. The ones who say "I'll pray for you" but rarely or never do. Thankfully, despite the environment God (YHWH) had a plan for my life, and led me to submit my life over to Him. I made Yeshua (Jesus) the Lord of my life at 8 years old. It came just in time too! When I was 9, a lot of terrible things began to happen in our lives. We began a long period of trails and went through years of struggles with my Mom due to some battles she was fighting. Our lives were in a state of chaos, and all we could do was keep pushing forward. If it wasn't for the dedication of my Dad and protection of my heavenly Father, who knows what would have happened.
By the age of 11, I found myself creating my own barriers and moral codes; because nobody else was around to give them. My Dad had to work 7 days a week for most of my life just to hang on, and it was just my sister and I at home. I made some mistakes, but overall felt like a pretty good kid who didn't get into any real trouble. I had some loyal friends which is who most of my time was spent with, and they helped me stay distracted from the reality of my Mom's situation. I also joined the football team my freshman year of high school and found that to be my greatest outlet. I was never a star player at 5'4" and 120 lbs, but I poured all I had into that team. I learned all about character, determination, perseverance, and other life qualities that opened up a new world to me. I was still just a kid in need of serious wisdom, but I had goals, ambition, and a list of attributes that I found necessary to be successful in the world.
After I graduated, at age 18 I made a poor decision to get married. Even against her father's suggestion and my best friend's advice we got married at the courthouse (sounds exciting right? ) The worst part was that neither one of us were spiritually or emotionally ready and it was a year of agony for both of us. I learned that most of the awful things I witnessed in my life had stuck with me. I had all of the bad habits of my father and suffered insensitivity from emotional distress of my mother. I was a cold hearted, harsh speaking, selfish, lustful, and absent husband that actually thought I was great because"I provided". In short, it was a very tough way of learning that I was completely wrong.
My definition of a "good husband" was one that brought home the money and went to work. The issue was that my definition was so far from reality and the expectations of my spouse. We went to church marriage counseling, talked, tried reading books, etc. but nothing seemed to work. I found out the biggest issue wasn't knowledge (although it was important), but instead my most severe problem was me. I had no foundation, and despite my dedicated service to the church my marriage failed.
It was this failure in my life that The Lord used to ignite a fire in my heart to help others save themselves from my same fate. I began a journey to learn all I could to encourage the men of this world to set their beliefs on the only foundation that won't crumble. This is why I continue to fight for this group to become more than a forgotten internet page. I want men everywhere to bring up their children the way the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob commands. I want wives out there to feel like precious flowers that are truly lifted up on a pedestal because of the love their husband shows and delivers. I want broken homes and divorces to be a distant memory. While I know this isn't reality, I know that I serve a mighty God who tells me never to be afraid of anything but Him. The odds may not be in my favor and the divorce rate along with same sex couples is increasing; but I have faith that even a tiny mustard seed can make a large impact.
Today, I have the most amazing wife that I honestly feel was hand picked by Adonai. We have been married for 8 wonderful years, and I still get many things wrong. It's a journey of continuous learning that I treasure very much. My wife is the perfect compliment to me in every way, and makes my life a million times more exhilarating. Where she is weak I am strong, and where she is strong I am weak. I am living proof that even if you start on the wrong path, if you seek Elohim and follow Him you will have life in abundance. My bank account balance doesn't have 7 zeros, but I am a rich man. There is nothing in this world I need, but that which has already been given by Adonai.
I hope you do not feel my last paragraph is boastful. I intend only to relay my message that if you build a solid foundation you can have the most amazing, meaningful, and lasting marriage. If you were able to read through this mega long message, I hope you are encouraged to strive for something better in your life.
FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR STORIES :) WE ALL HAVE A PAST THAT CANNOT CHANGE, BUT OUR FUTURES HAVE YET TO BE MADE.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)