You know I have yet to find a book, teaching, Bible verse, or any counselor whatsoever that would ever say
"Be kind to your friends, and harsh to your spouse". So, my question is why is this the case? If you are anything like me, you might be able to talk to a buddy of yours about a thousand different topics and all seem interesting. You are alert, engaged in the conversation, and hear all of the good points this friend is trying to make. It's an easy conversation that's easy to participate in because it's likely a similar interest of your own.
With my wife, it seems like 95% of the topics she speaks about are far from my top ten list. In fact, I might even say that some of them would be the very last things I would ever consider. It's times like these that make listening difficult. It's nothing I want to know, and usually because we already spoke about it five times already the same week.
What I have learned but have yet to master, is that women want to be heard. They like to talk to their husbands and feel like we are not only listening but that we sympathize with their feelings. They are looking for that connection. More often than not, I mix it all up and eagerly try to create "solutions" for her. I see her topic as a challenge that I need to help her overcome and then expect to move forward. Then the forward progress (in my head) turns into rehashing the same conversation later that day, the next day, and three days down the road leaving me feeling inadequate. I'm selfishly thinking that I "solved" her problem ALREADY and wondering why are we talking about the same thing again.
I, on the other hand, only like to discuss things that are appealing or will make some kind of progress in what I am doing. I will actually find a way to bring up a topic the fewest times possible so I feel efficient which is completely opposite to my wife. In my focus driven view, every beginning needs an end and I always seek to reach that finish line even in conversation. It's that finish line that makes it all feel right.
Ephesians 5:28 tells us that we should love our wives as our own bodies. So, if we really do that I believe it is absolutely essential to gain an understanding of what our wives need from us to feel and be loved. If our very nature in conversation is different than our spouse, it is our duty as husbands to make every attempt possible to provide the simple things our wives seek from us. If you think about it, the very fact that they seek to confide in us their thoughts and feelings is a sign of respect and love from them. The next time your wife speaks to you about a topic you may not like, take the time to listen and show her you care. Put away those thoughts of "fixing" anything and just love her. Pretend for a moment that you are listening to your favorite author, speaker, athlete, or friend. What can you learn from her out of what she is saying, and even more important is what can you learn ABOUT HER from what she is saying?
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A funny farm example to help you remember is this: A cow chews it's cud, swallows it, then repeats the process so the animal gains the most from everything it eats. It has three stomach compartments all with a different purpose and is clean for us to eat because it has such an amazing digestive process. This reminds me of a woman (now don't misquote me by hearing woman = cow). I simply mean the efficient digestive process resembles a woman's mind to me. They consider a topic, discuss it, then reconsider it several times before moving on. This allows for a greater understanding and has a significant purpose that many of us men would not see otherwise.
