Say what's on your mind

Do you ever look at your wife and think "WOW, I sure am blessed to have her" in your head? If your answer is yes that's fantastic. 

NOW SAY IT OUT LOUD!!! 

We may think it more than we say it, but our wives need to hear it from our mouths. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, so speak life into your marriage and into your wife. Tell her how wonderful she is every time you think it. Call her for no reason at all during your work day to tell her how special she is. After all, she is part of your own body.

Verses to cross reference are Ephesians 5:28 and Proverbs 18:21

Be kind to your friends, but harsh to your spouse?

You know I have yet to find a book, teaching, Bible verse, or any counselor whatsoever that would ever say "Be kind to your friends, and harsh to your spouse". So, my question is why is this the case? If you are anything like me, you might be able to talk to a buddy of yours about a thousand different topics and all seem interesting. You are alert, engaged in the conversation, and hear all of the good points this friend is trying to make. It's an easy conversation that's easy to participate in because it's likely a similar interest of your own.

With my wife, it seems like 95% of the topics she speaks about are far from my top ten list. In fact, I might even say that some of them would be the very last things I would ever consider. It's times like these that make listening difficult. It's nothing I want to know, and usually because we already spoke about it five times already the same week.

What I have learned but have yet to master, is that women want to be heard. They like to talk to their husbands and feel like we are not only listening but that we sympathize with their feelings. They are looking for that connection. More often than not, I mix it all up and eagerly try to create "solutions" for her. I see her topic as a challenge that I need to help her overcome and then expect to move forward.  Then the forward progress (in my head) turns into rehashing the same conversation later that day, the next day, and three days down the road leaving me feeling inadequate. I'm selfishly thinking that I "solved" her problem ALREADY and wondering why are we talking about the same thing again.

I, on the other hand, only like to discuss things that are appealing or will make some kind of progress in what I am doing.  I will actually find a way to bring up a topic the fewest times possible so I feel efficient which is completely opposite to my wife. In my focus driven view, every beginning needs an end and I always seek to reach that finish line even in conversation. It's that finish line that makes it all feel right.

Ephesians 5:28 tells us that we should love our wives as our own bodies. So, if we really do that I believe it is absolutely essential to gain an understanding of what our wives need from us to feel and be loved. If our very nature in conversation is different than our spouse, it is our duty as husbands to make every attempt possible to provide the simple things our wives seek from us. If you think about it, the very fact that they seek to confide in us their thoughts and feelings is a sign of respect and love from them. The next time your wife speaks to you about a topic you may not like, take the time to listen and show her you care. Put away those thoughts of "fixing" anything and just love her. Pretend for a moment that you are listening to your favorite author, speaker, athlete, or friend. What can you learn from her out of what she is saying, and even more important is what can you learn ABOUT HER from what she is saying?

VS   

A funny farm example to help you remember is this: A cow chews it's cud, swallows it, then repeats the process so the animal gains the most from everything it eats. It has three stomach compartments all with a different purpose and is clean for us to eat because it has such an amazing digestive process. This reminds me of a woman (now don't misquote me by hearing woman = cow). I simply mean the efficient digestive process resembles a woman's mind to me. They consider a topic, discuss it, then reconsider it several times before moving on. This allows for a greater understanding and has a significant purpose that many of us men would not see otherwise.

Why my wife is my hero

To the best mother I know:

Why my wife is my hero

- She is the last one to go to bed every day
- She will wake up endless times during the night to breastfeed our son and rarely ever even ask for help
- She actually enjoys giving birth naturally with absolutely no painkillers and somehow wants to do it again when it is all over.
- She married me and still has sanity left (very tough)
- Even with five children, a whole house to clean, homeschooling daily, food to prepare, and more, she finds time to help me and creates the most amazing activities for our children.
- She can create beautiful things from nothing, and turn my plain boring designs into extravagant works of art.
- She has never allowed her ambition to come before her family.
- She loves me even when I don't deserve it.
- She "forces" our family to eat a healthy diet and spends countless days researching better foods for us to keep progressing.
- She has never accepted tradition as proof or allowed "good enough" to be settled for.
- She fears God, lives in obedience to His word, and strives to learn more about her purpose even when she stands alone.
- She can do ten things simultaneously when I get so frustrated with two.
- Her version of a gift for herself is always something that really benefits the family.
I thank God for the most amazing woman I have ever been around. She is my very own Proverbs 31 woman that my children are truly fortunate to have as their mother. Happy Mother's Day to my hero, my wife, and my best friend Phyllis Hodges. 

A little About My Past

I was born to a nice family and grew up in a Baptist Church where everyone went through the motions.  You know, the kind of place where people seem so loving and wise, but then you catch them outside of church and hardly recognize them as the same individuals. The ones who say "I'll pray for you" but rarely or never do. Thankfully, despite the environment God (YHWH) had a plan for my life, and led me to submit my life over to Him. I made Yeshua (Jesus) the Lord of my life at 8 years old. It came just in time too! When I was 9, a lot of terrible things began to happen in our lives. We began a long period of trails and went through years of struggles with my Mom due to some battles she was fighting. Our lives were in a state of chaos, and all we could do was keep pushing forward. If it wasn't for the dedication of my Dad and protection of my heavenly Father, who knows what would have happened.

By the age of 11, I found myself creating my own barriers and moral codes; because nobody else was around to give them. My Dad had to work 7 days a week for most of my life just to hang on, and it was just my sister and I at home. I made some mistakes, but overall felt like a pretty good kid who didn't get into any real trouble. I had some loyal friends which is who most of my time was spent with, and they helped me stay distracted from the reality of my Mom's situation. I also joined the football team my freshman year of high school and found that to be my greatest outlet. I was never a star player at 5'4" and 120 lbs, but I poured all I had into that team. I learned all about character, determination, perseverance, and other life qualities that opened up a new world to me. I was still just a kid in need of serious wisdom, but I had goals, ambition, and a list of attributes that I found necessary to be successful in the world.

After I graduated, at age 18 I made a poor decision to get married. Even against her father's suggestion and my best friend's advice we got married at the courthouse (sounds exciting right? ) The worst part was that neither one of us were spiritually or emotionally ready and it was a year of agony for both of us. I learned that most of the awful things I witnessed in my life had stuck with me. I had all of the bad habits of my father and suffered insensitivity from emotional distress of my mother. I was a cold hearted, harsh speaking, selfish, lustful, and absent husband that actually thought I was great because"I provided". In short, it was a very tough way of learning that I was completely wrong.

My definition of a "good husband" was one that brought home the money and went to work. The issue was that my definition was so far from reality and the expectations of my spouse. We went to church marriage counseling, talked, tried reading books, etc. but nothing seemed to work. I found out the biggest issue wasn't knowledge (although it was important), but instead my most severe problem was me.  I had no foundation, and despite my dedicated service to the church my marriage failed.

It was this failure in my life that The Lord used to ignite a fire in my heart to help others save themselves from my same fate. I began a journey to learn all I could to encourage the men of this world to set their beliefs on the only foundation that won't crumble. This is why I continue to fight for this group to become more than a forgotten internet page. I want men everywhere to bring up their children the way the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob commands. I want wives out there to feel like precious flowers that are truly lifted up on a pedestal because of the love their husband shows and delivers. I want broken homes and divorces to be a distant memory. While I know this isn't reality, I know that I serve a mighty God who tells me never to be afraid of anything but Him. The odds may not be in my favor and the divorce rate along with same sex couples is increasing; but I have faith that  even a tiny mustard seed can make a large impact.

Today, I have the most amazing wife that I honestly feel was hand picked by Adonai. We have been married for 8 wonderful years, and I still get many things wrong. It's a journey of continuous learning that I treasure very much. My wife is the perfect compliment to me in every way, and makes my life a million times more exhilarating. Where she is weak I am strong, and where she is strong I am weak. I am living proof that even if you start on the wrong path, if you seek Elohim and follow Him you will have life in abundance. My bank account balance doesn't have 7 zeros, but I am a rich man. There is nothing in this world I need, but that which has already been given by Adonai.

I hope you do not feel my last paragraph is boastful. I intend only to relay my message that if you build a solid foundation you can have the most amazing, meaningful, and lasting marriage. If you were able to read through this mega long message, I hope you are encouraged to strive for something better in your life.

FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR STORIES :) WE ALL HAVE A PAST THAT CANNOT CHANGE, BUT OUR FUTURES HAVE YET TO BE MADE.